Thursday, November 10, 2005

Q31: Dating tips? Looking for success...

Hello -
I'm a gay guy. I go on tons of dates, but I don't really seem to be having much luck. Any advice?
-Queen of Bums



Hey, Queen --
Depends on the "luck" you're looking for, really. We're going to use "they" b/c these suggestions could work for guys or girls. Here are a few general pointers for getting to know people and/or getting them interested in you:

1. To get to know a person, just start talking to them. Ask, "What do you like to do for fun?" or "What fun things are there to do around this city?" If they recommend something that you like, then ask for more information about it: "Could you send me an email about that?" or "Can I get your number so I can ask for more information later?" or "Would you let me know the next time you go?" You can also use the common-interests card to arrange for a second date.

2. If you're picking up a girl or guy in a bar, saying "I want to dance with you" usually makes 'em feel flattered. If they're interested, they'll probably say "yes." (Especially if you're cute.) And you can also say, "Come dance with us," and drag them over to your group of friends. Or meld groups together and get to know even more people.

3. You're a great catch. Know your own good attributes and be comfortable talking about them. If you're good at salsa dancing, then take the person out salsa dancing, or recommend places to go, or talk about your experiences/funny stories/beginner's mistakes. If you're smart, then talk about your research, your job, what you're interested in, or what you want to do. If you're a sexpot, introduce that into the conversation. Don't be arrogant -- that can often be a turn-off. If you're really good at something, it's okay to be somewhat cheeky or cocky about it, but don't come off as a snob -- instead, be more teasing or just plain confident.

4. Don't be afraid to tease. It's a form of flirting, and lets the person know that you're paying attention to them. If you do make fun of someone, follow it up w/ a compliment. Some common things to tease about: height (if they're tall, you can follow it up w/ "it must be great to be able to reach things..." or "Can you get that [thing on a high shelf] for me? Oh, I'm so glad you're tall..."), race (careful on this one; Asians tend to be open about being Asian, and you can usually tease white boyz about All-American stereotypes, esp if they conformed to the stereotypes, but some people can be picky about cultural identity). And tease kindly, so they know that you're just having fun, not making fun of them.

5. Ask questions. About the past (high school, college, family/siblings), present (stuff they do, stuff they like to have fun with, people they know), future (what they want to do w/ their lives, where they see themselves in 10 years, what they're doing to achieve their goals). Travels: where they've been, how it's different, where they want to go. Food: what types they like, what they don't like. Movies. Entertainment -- dancing, reading, movies, cooking, drinking, outdoorsy stuff like hiking or rock climbing. Comfort levels -- what they're comfy or not comfy with, in terms of relationships or touching or PDAs. What they find attractive, versus what turns them off. Find things you've got in common and things you don't have in common.

6. Depending on how comfy you are, you could open up a dialogue about the date itself. How it's going, how it compares to other dates, what the other person looks for in another person, what horror stories they've had. Determine what they find attractive versus what they don't, in general. Note: If the person says that he really doesn't like a particular thing, then avoid that particular thing.

7. Jokes! They tend to showcase your humor, and help you find similarly-humored fellows. Nerdy pick-up lines are great for the smarter crowd; see http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/01/q5-pick-up-lines_20.html for some ideas. Compare pick-up lines and stories and success rates. Usually, witty and quippy jokes work better than lewd or vulgar, at least for a first date. Depends on the company, though, of course. :)

8. Alcohol. Don't be a lush, but feel free to loosen the tongue and inhibitions a bit w/ a few light drinks. If you say something offkey, then you can always blame the OH groups. Ask what their favorite drinks are. Buy them something, either your favorite or theirs.

9. Take in your surroundings. Especially if you run out of things to say. Comment on something around you, but put a twist on it that makes it different, new, refreshing. Many people who go on dates are tired of the same ol', same ol'. So be different. Not uber zany or just weird, but be as original as possible. Make a unique first impression.

10. Be polite or civil. Hold open doors. Offer to pick them up. Don't be late. Listen. Don't interrupt. Dress well; no scrubbiness unless you're going to a place where you'll get scrubby, like painting or paintball or working out. Don't overstylize, and certainly don't overdo the cologne or aftershave. Also, the person who initiated/asked for the date generally does the paying.

11. If all signals point to "yes," then go for a kiss. If you talked about what your date expects from dates, you can lead into the kissing or not kissing. You might want to refer to some of our flirting-without-really-flirting techniques entries, also.

Link to previous questions and answers:
http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/01/links-to-questions-and-answers.html

Q10: We're friends... but I think I want more. What should I do? http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/02/q10-were-friends-but-i-think-i-want.html

Q11: I like this guy... what do I do next? http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/02/q11-i-like-this-guy-what-do-i-do-next.html

Q22: Does my co-worker like me?
http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/08/q22-does-my-co-worker-like-me.html

Q24: There's this guy in my French class... http://askthebeaver.blogspot.com/2005/08/q24-theres-this-guy-in-my-french-class.html

Hope that helps!!! Let us know of your success or unsuccess. :)

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/IM/post again! :)]

11 Comments:

At 7:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go for the Beaver!

If your looking for dating tips, DO NOT take advice from the following woman:

Jula Jane Hijazi is a manipulative gold digger that screws anyone over in her path if it doesn't benefit her. There are lies throughout her book. I have known Jula for well over a decade. She is an ex- stripper, (which is why she carries herself the sleezy way she does)has never dated any celebrities is the most conceded woman alive and oh so evil. She is a self proclaimed High Maintenance woman. OH BOY! WHO IN THE HELL WANTS A HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMAN? And as far as her dating only drop dead gorgeous men?....seen them all!!! Maybe, two of them were atractive. The rest? Not so great!The more money the better. So looks have NEVER been a concern.

She has screwed over ex-husbands, business contacts, best friends...Eventually she will be driven out of Atlanta. She has screwed over so many people both in business and personal relationships. Eventually she will have worked her way around the entire city. Isn't it odd that someone who has lived here since she was a little girl does not have any friends longer than maybe 1 or 2 years...maybe 3 at the most?

Jula has burned every bridge she ever had. That is why she is "selling out" by writing this book. She has no more business or personal relationships that she can leverage. Therefore, she is... as a last result trying to use her hobby of picking up on men and using them into a full fleged career...And she is counting on all of you people to spend your hard earned money on her book when she cannot even keep a husband, boyfriend, or even get a second date! She says other women cannot handle being friends with such a beautiful successful woman as herself.

No Jula...sorry honey you've got it all wrong. Women cannot handle being friends NOT because you're so beautiful....it's because you f%#*&'d over all of your girlfriends and nobody wants to deal with your phony BS anymore.
You are not trustworthy. I feel so sorry for you.

JJ is not as successful as she appears! She owes more money on her Townhome and her Mercedes Benz than they are worth! Everything she owns is leveraged to the hilt. Despite the fact she just recently filed bankruptcy (financially.) She was already emotionally bankrupt.

Her Rental property in the POLO FIELDS was recently foreclosed on as she was sued as a result of a bad business dealing and a lien/judgement was placed on the property. She has at her ripe young age of 28...passed up or should I say "screwed over" two husbands that treated her well. She took everything for granted. It is a shame. She is a foolish woman. And know she is scrambling to figure out, how... now that she has lost anything of real substance in her life.... how is she going to make a living.

"Gee, I know. My last marriage didn't work out because I'm a coniving bitch, so gee.... I'll go back to Atlanta and ride off the coat-tail of JEZ's top 10 bachelorettes in Atlanta (which by the way I was so full of myself, that I actually nominated myself for it...) and then I'll pretend to be a relationship expert- columnist and write a book just like the cool chick that wrote "Sex and the city". I know, I'll write letters to myself anonymously and then pretend to answer them as well!

Can you believe she thinks we are that stupid? She has never had one person write into any publication asking her for advice because her advice column has never been published anywhere.

Everything is never enough for JULA. Ha,Ha! Anyone that actually takes heed in what this woman says will lead a lonely and unhappy life. Just like the lonely life Jula is leading. Jula is incapable of being alone. So much so, that if she can't find anyone to go out with her to the local bars she sleezes around the bars by herself in Buckead/Midtown trying to catch her next victim. Atlanta is tired of her BULLS$#@. She thinks she is so beautiful it cracks me up. Men have sought her out from across a crowded room because of her "shoes".

Yeah right JULA! I suppose it had nothing to do with those big fake boobs hanging out of your dress, would it!? Jula do us all a favor just move to Nevada and open a brothel for god's sake. Beautiful? Not so much. Beauty comes from within. You look like a Madame. Ah yes, Madamme Jula Jane...has a nice ring to it.....

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Nada said...

Attraction Explained: Your Social Circle

Our social circle is one of the biggest determining factors in who we meet. Going back a bit, in a 1956 study 70% of married American couples lived within 20 blocks of each other before marriage. Now admittedly that was 1956 and this is now, but the basic principle holds true - you're more likely to find success with someone closer to you than you are someone further way.

So, how do we use this to improve our chances? Simple - we expand our social circle!

1) Network, Network, Network
2) Organise a night out, invite all your friends, tell them to bring friends
3) Join a club. A sports club, a movie club, a dinner club, a sex club - whatever you fancy!
4) Don’t try and jump into an encounter or relationship with every attractive person you meet.
5) Put people in contact with each other.

Read Further... & More Articles on Attraction Explained.

At Attraction Explained we provide a range of free articles and media teaching you the skills you need to improve your luck in love.

Attraction Explained
http://www.attractionexplained.com

 
At 2:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jula Jane is morally-bankrupt, extremely evil, and consumed with greed. She will do anything to get what she wants. The woman sleeps with any man who flashes some cash at her! SORRY BUT SHE IS UGLY INSIDE AND OUTSIDE! Not only does Jula Jane have sex with anyone, she blames other women for all her problems. Look in the mirror Jula Jane, and remember that your "boyfriend" will know the truth about your LIES, SEX, AND GREED. JULA=LIAR!!

 
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