Q27: He flirted with her to make me jealous - should I trust him?

Via Email: "How can I tell what he's really thinking?"

I've been kinda seeing this guy, but the other night I accidentally made him jealous by talking with another friend of his. I assured him that nothing's going on, but when he got jealous he started flirting with my friend. He apologized and tells me that he just did it to make me jealous.because he was hurt. I'm worried that maybe he does like her, he says he doesn't, but how can I be sure. Should I be worried, or just let it go and forget about it?
-To Believe or Not To Believe?

Howdy!
First off, it looks like you and your guy have a few trust issues. What do you mean by "kinda seeing"? Are you two dating? Are you two committed? Perhaps you should get that ironed out so you can figure out what each of you expects from the other. If you are committed, or in an "official" relationship, then he has no business flirting with your friend. If you aren't committed, then there aren't any set rules, and you two should talk about your expectations so that no one gets hurt.

Is he really possessive? If you were just talking, then make sure that he knows that, and that you wouldn't flirt with his friends, especially since you're seeing him. And what sort of guy messes with feelings like that? If he's so casual about flirting with your friend at your expense, then maybe he doesn't care about hurting you, or maybe he cares about himself too much, or maybe he doesn't trust you completely. You should definitely talk about this. If you don't believe him, then there might be a reason that you don't believe him. If he does flirt with your friend again, call him on it. If he keeps flirting with your friend, maybe he does like her. If he's just polite, and lavishes more attention on you, then he's probably telling the truth.

Depending on how close you are to your friend, you can talk with her about it, too. If they interact again, you could ask her if she thinks that he was flirting with her. If she says, "yes," then maybe you should talk to him about his manner of interacting with girls, specifically your friend.

Some signs that he's still flirting: he touches her when he speaks to her, he seeks her out in a room and pays special attention to her, he talks about her a lot to his friends, he asks about her, he doesn't speak as much about you, etc. You're "kinda seeing" him, so I'm guessing that he showed you signs of liking you. If he's showing those signs to someone else, then he probably likes her. If he doesn't, then you're probably safe. Some other "man signs" can be found on these sites: Links2Love: Him; iVillage.

That said, be honest, too -- were you really just "talking" with his friend, or were you flirting with that friend? If you really just were talking, then tell him that you weren't flirting. If you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, then you two shouldn't have to worry about making the other person jealous. Trust is the major basis of a relationship. Without trust, you won't have a good relationship. Don't give him a reason to doubt your end of the relationship, either.

In short, talk to him about your relationship. If you really like him and you think he likes you, then go for it. If he gives you further reasons to doubt him, then you have to decide whether he's worth the trouble. But if you're in a relationship now, then you probably should trust him. Talk about what you expect from each other, and try to meet each other's expectations.

Also, some "Signs That She's Flirting" tips that might tell him that you're flirting with his friend can be found on AskMen.com;
There's also Links2Love: Her. To avoid flirting with his friend(s), avoid sending these signals.

"Signs That He's Flirting": Links2Love: Him; iVillage.

For guys and girls: Lover's Guide.

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/IM/post again! :)]