Monday, August 15, 2005

Q22: Does my co-worker like me?

hi mr beaver~ i'd like to ask... how do you know if a guy likes (loves) you? i'm 20+, single & i never had a boyfriend. i've had a lot of friendly relationships with guys and i think they all treated me the same, a baby/childish figure. now i have a workmate whom i have special feelings. this all started when i noticed him paying special attention on me, doing things my other guy-friends wouldn't normally do. what does it mean? or should i ask him (although this would feel so awkward on my part)? :( help. i don't want to assume things but that is just so inevitable. i end up not being able to function properly because of paranoia. :(
-Nervous Knickers

Hmm... First off, it's easy to get attracted to someone that you haven't known for a long time. I'm guessing that this workmate doesn't know your other guy friends, and therefore doesn't harbor the same background feelings for you.

You've really got to consider the guy involved, your own personality, and the particular situation. What sorts of things does this guy do for you? Does he do the same sorts of things for other friends, especially girl friends? Or only to attractive girls, or girls you might think he's attracted to?

If you've got a hunch that he likes you, chances are he does. After all, you know him, right? But if you've just met him, then you might want to assess the situation first. See if he does do all those nice things to everyone.

If you're feeling particularly antsy, then be bold! Take the plunge. Ask him about it. You could say, "Thank you" for a particularly nice thing, and lead in to, "Do you do this for all of your coworkers/friends?"

There's also the usual "Go out to lunch/dinner and talk" routine. If he's done something particularly nice for you, you could repay him by buying lunch. Or you could make a bet, and the loser has to treat the winner to lunch/dinner/dessert/coffee. Throughout this meal, or when you're randomly talking to him, you could point out a pretty girl and say, "Wow -- she's really pretty," and see what he says. It's a good lead-in to asking, "What do you find attractive?" Girls usually use this question to figure out if a guy thinks that they're attractive. Sometimes, if you're lucky, the guy will come right out and say, "Well, I think you're pretty attractive..."

Oh, and workmate relationships can get complicated, so... if you're going to see him every day for a long period of time, you might want to be a little careful before diving into a relationship headfirst.

Don't be paranoid!! Sure, everyone gets nervous. But be confident! Be sure of yourself! That's such an attractive quality. Don't be self-conscious; he's the one who first started paying attention to you, right? Don't worry!!!

And remember: regardless of whether there's something there or not, you're probably going to find someone eventually. Use all of these instances as learning processes. See what works and what doesn't work. And don't feel pressured into liking him back b/c you think he likes you. Really take a good look at him, see what you yourself like about him, and figure out if he's worth being nervous around. If he likes/is paying special attention to you, then you're probably doing something right anyway. If not, then who cares? He could become another friend, but then he can probably also introduce you to his friends.

Oi, and though each case is different, you might want to try reading some of these other questions/answers for more tips:
Q15: How do I know if he loves me?
Q11: I like this guy -- what do I do next?
Q10: We're friends, but I think I want more...

And just to clarify: "Mr. Beaver" is just one of the many busy beavers who answer questions on this site. You can also direct questions to "Marsupials Unite," "The Beaverette," or "Beavers, Inc." Beavers, Inc. is the administrator of this particular blog. Also, most of the beavers are out of town at the moment, so we might be taking longer to get back to all you lovely readers out there. That said, feel free to comment as much as you'd like, and we'll cover everyone eventually. ^_~

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/IM/post again! :)]


At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! you really answered my question. thank you so much. i'll try your suggestions. the truth i haven't discussed my problem with anyone before i wrote you. but yesterday, i asked some of my close friends about it. and i was more or less relieved of paranoia.

p.s. sorry about the "dear mr. beaver" thing... i just don't know how to address you collectively.. ;^^

At 11:19 AM, Blogger Beavers, Inc. said...

haha It's all good. I'm glad that you found our suggestions helpful - Good luck!

At 5:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. beavers, inc. I just wanted to say thank you for that wonderful advice. The person I mentioned & I are together now. :)

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At 11:53 AM, Blogger Adi said...

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