Monday, February 21, 2005

Q11: I like this guy -- what do I do next?

From "Attracted but Nervous":

There's a guy I like, but I'm too nervous/afraid/what have you to ask him out. Also, I'm having a hard time trying to determine what he thinks of me. How can I figure out if he's interested?
- Attracted but Nervous



Hmm... This seems to be a theme in the questions we get. We just answered with a few points in the previous post (Q10), but here are a few more bits of [similar] advice:

First, you've got to figure out if the guy thinks you're attractive. There are a couple of other signs that point to "yes": He stares at you when he doesn't think you're looking at him, preferably with that puppy-dog-longing-gaze that guys do so well. He touches you randomly and/or often -- the arm around the shoulders, playing with your hair, touching your cheek, tickling, etc. He goes out of his way to talk to you, or he always talks to you or smiles when he sees you. He invites you to go to various social events. (You can invite him to various social events, too, btw.)

If you don't see these, you could try the direct approach. While chatting about previous relationships or relationship experiences, you could lead in to: "What do you think is attractive in a girl?" or "What do you look for in a girlfriend?" See how well you measure up to these qualities. If he doesn't like you at all, he'll probably tell you things that are the opposite of what you are or like. For example, if you're Asian and he tells you that he likes blondes... hmm. Be careful. Or, ask him what he thinks of a particular shirt you're wearing. Don't over-use that, though -- guys sometimes think of the "What do you think about what I'm wearing" question as a trap. It's on the same page as "Do you think I'm fat?" However, if you're good friends, then he'll hopefully give you an honest answer. It also gives him a chance to check you out. ;) If he says, "Eh... it's all right." Or "It's cool..." then he probably doesn't like it or doesn't want to give you a favorable impression. If he says, "I think it looks really good on you, actually." Or something very favorable, that's a good sign.

Note: don't wear shirts or pants that are too tight. A lot of girls make the mistake of wearing clothes that are two sizes too small for them. Then, instead of looking sexy, they look slobby. Tightness overemphasizes the flab. And most everyone has flab. The sexy people know how to cover it up. Pants that are a little big make you look thinner.

Back to the question: If all else fails, get a friend to ask the guy if he likes you or not -- ie, "What do you think of [insert your name here]?" This is a very middle-school-ish method, but has been known to work wonders for insecure parties in the past. Any charitable/nosy friend would take notice of this and question his motives. If you're really close to the guy, then he might approach you and say, "Hey, your friend asked me what I thought of you..." and then you can laugh and say, "Oh? What did you tell him/her?" And it'll be out in the open.

Advice from a hot guy: Figure out what you want, and then go get it. If you want some action, get some action. Nothing wrong with a little hanky panky. Oh, and alcohol can help.

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/IM/post again! :)]

36 Comments:

At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my situation is kinda like this except the guy asked me out i liked him but i said no and dont know why

 
At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone post a comment!

 
At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello?????

 
At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are you there???

 
At 10:30 PM, Anonymous ammie said...

omg so i like this guy a whole lot but he has a girlfriend....hes is so attractive and i really want to date him...he knows i like him cause i talk to him all the time the problem here is i dont think he likes me i always compliment him and all i get back is a thank you never a compliment back does taht mean he thinks im ugly or just wants me to leave him alone how do i get him to like me and not his girl she a bitch any ways and treats him like shit yet he is so sweet to her? wahat do i do how do i get him to like me without smotheing him please answer asap-ammie

 
At 5:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok so you like GUY? but you have to think is he really worth it?
will he treat you right?
will he force you into things you dont want to do? i think if you answer those questions you will get you answer. and take a shot if you did answer those questions

 
At 10:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

few years a go i met somefriend of my brother .. and few days a go we kissed .. i dont know if he is feeling the same for me cuz im totally inlove with him ... anyways i will see whats going on ?? tomorrow but i wanna tell u if u are in love of this guy and also if u wanna have somefun u have to be a little bit sexi and also such cool girl u have to try to be his friends cuz its better ... oki sweety be carefull and dont fall in love if he doesnt love u ...
kisss

 
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would a boy ever turn down dating a coworker that he was really interested in, just to avoid work place conflicts? My instinct says that he was letting me down gently and that if he really liked me he wouldn't let work get prevent our relationship.

 
At 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok so I like this guy at my school and he looks at me alot and tries to talk to me sometimes so I think he likes me but I'm not sure and I'm not sure what to do help!

 
At 8:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats a great to kno! but listen, im a shy type. im not allowed to date til im lik 20 or watever and (just in case) if a guy asked me out and i liked him.............. how would i tell him that im not allowed to date, and we could be really good friends, without making him think that im just making it up so he wont get hurt. a lot of guys hav experience, so yea.......... can u help me pwease????????? just post another one of these and ill surch until lik forever til i find this.... u r so smart!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger DK said...

ok well...

there is this guy i met up with recently .. but let me start at the beginning..

We met in grade 9-10 ..i was a stoner chic and he was kinda nerdy .. and short.. we were friends though .. talked in the hallways .. but i was in an exclusive group ( stupid but true) so i didnt hang out with him that much. But i thought he was cute, just too short.
recently met met up and had a wild night..

he told me he thought i was hot and i told him the same.. i was sooo excited to see that he grew ! lol he is not a hott guy ! isteads of a little boy ..

we had so much fun .. he tols me he always thought i was cute .. so i guess he liked me back in the day as well .. but my friends would have beaten him silly if he had said anything.

Now .. i want him ! SOO bad!
not just sex.. becaouse we did that already .. when we met up recently..

but i want a realtionship .. i want to date him.

WHAT SHOULD I DO !!.. im lost...

Thank you
egnarts12003@mail.com

 
At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have a different problem,
my friend asked this guy out for me that she knew i liked. and he said no.
But he is a really nice guy. my friend is close with him and she says he fancies someone else atm but he got rejected by her.
he fancy's no one else so why wont he go out with me. (not being big headed but i am a kinda pretty.)

 
At 7:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

u cant force someone to like you.
all you can do i maybe spend sometime with him show him your a good person and not a slut. lol

guyz want and girl for the long hall.. if there good guyz.

good luck lol

 
At 1:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i likee this guy . and me and my friend are alwas talkinqq about him .and shes my best friend and he happenes to be in like almost every class and they always talk with her and i think the boy likes her.How do i get him to talk tom me .

 
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At 5:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like a guy and well he talks to me hes mean for no reason then smiles and like comes over to a group i'm in and givies me dirty looks. And worst of all i tink i like him! What will i do?

 
At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like a guy and well he talks to me hes mean for no reason then smiles and like comes over to a group i'm in and givies me dirty looks. And worst of all i tink i like him! What will i do?

 
At 12:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i really like this guy but he turnd me down because he says he dosn't want a girlfreind right know what do i do??????

 
At 8:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey ya'll theres a guy in class that i like and i dont know how to tell him and when my frineds just playing around they say e.g oh Kirk you want to go out with emily well they say oh austin ( the guy i like) you wanna go out with ???? (thats me) and hes just like oh gross and all that and it makes me so angry , sad and so many other feeling what to do help me please love ??? xoxox

 
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At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

guess what last night this friend of mine tould me "he had feelings for me" but i new a few days before...yeah....anyway... i said "i feelt the same way" but i'm best friends with his x, someone help!

 
At 9:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok.. help plz.. im 17 there is this guy in my P.E class that i really like.. and he looked at me today and smiled :) and his eyes are sooo beautiful ..i really think i like him alot he is soo hot .. he's so cute when he works out he keeps on looking at me what do i do?

 
At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont think alcohol is the answer to the problem... just tell him how you feel, it never hurts to be the real you, guys like that best being who you really are not who you want to be. Confront him about how you feel you never know he might like you back but is shy to ask you!

 
At 8:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really really really love this guy in my class because he's so funny and nice and sweet and I think he's really cute but my friends think the opposite of cute. He's cracked a few jokes to me (not about me) but I still don't know if he thinks about me like I think about him which is all the time. Just yesterday on a Saturday cause I go to greekschool he kept on looking at me but I'm too nervous to tell him that I like him. What if he doesnt like me or thinks that I'm ugly??? Anyway at lunchtime when the bell rang I stood up straight away to try and tell him but he go up before me with his friends to go and play soccer. How can I get him to stay away from his friends because I don't want to embarass him and how do I know if he likes me? Is it way too weird for a girl to tell a guy that she likes him or does that seem too desperate? Please please help me asap and btw I'm only 13 and my name is Lexi.

 
At 3:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey .. So i've been thinking about this guy for almost 2 years now !! I don't know if i love him .. We were in this social group and we were leaders in it so we talked between now and then but i didn't know anything about him ! Anw a year ago there was this event that we were planning in this group and on that day everything changed ! We got to know each other better and i think we're a match ! It was the best day of my life , he told that he likes my personality and that he likes me but i think he was just kidding about the liking thing but i don't know .. We were decorating the place and he was responsable for the baloons so he was taken my opinion in everything so i kinda liked it !! He forgot something in his house so he had to go get it and he asked me if i wanted to go with him in his car so ofcourse i said yes ! After that day i was certain that he's gonna ask me out but he didn't try to contact me in any way !! And everytime i saw him on the road he use look away and just ignore me !! So i started telling myself that that day was just a lie and maybe it really was !! But somehow i can't get him out of my mind .. Whatever i do i think about him !! And my best friend was friends with him when they were little and she told me that he's soooo romantic and i like romance !! I just hate this !! For me it seems that we're a perfect match but in real life we're not !!! So does he like me or he was just joking that day ?? Plz help me i'm going crazy here !!!!!!!!

 
At 12:02 AM, Anonymous Anna said...

I like this guy in my school but I have no friends that I can trust them to ask him what he thinks of me and I stare at him a lot and he is so gentle but yet mean what do I do ?

 
At 12:04 AM, Anonymous Anna said...

I am hopeless for what I know

 
At 12:09 AM, Anonymous Anna said...

I am hopeless but it sounds like he likes you but just does not want anyone to know ask him if he likes you or not or have a friend do it

 
At 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anna said...

And my friend aren't really my friends my only friend is a girl that is in 4th grade and I am in6th we do not go to the same school I am soo pethetic and my other buddy's r mean and I can't trust them EVER!!!!!!!!!what do I tell the guy I like I only have him in two classes he can beeeee realllly mean too:(
:( and no1i know can tell him but me:(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 12:24 AM, Anonymous Anna said...

Oh and my other best friend who helped me from many grades is at a different school and never text me I have no friend I am crying for that no one likes me as a friend

 
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