Monday, February 21, 2005

Q10: We're friends... but I think I want more. What should I do?

From "Friends + ??":

So I've been hanging out with this guy for like 2-3 weeks now, and at first i wasnt really interested but now that we've been hangin out more, i think i really really like him but i dont know what to do because we've become friends and i hang out with all his friends all the time (and vice versa) and Im scared because i dont want to make things weird, but at the same time i want to let himknwo how i feel... what should i do??
- Friends + ??

Howdy! This is a perpetually perplexing question. First, you've got to figure out if the guy thinks you're attractive. There are a couple of other signs that point to "yes": He stares at you when he doesn't think you're looking at him, preferably with that puppy-dog-longing-gaze that guys do so well. He touches you randomly and/or often -- the arm around the shoulders, playing with your hair, touching your cheek, tickling, etc.

If these characteristics aren't too easy to come by, you could try the direct approach. While chatting about previous relationships or relationship experiences, you could lead in to: "What do you think is attractive in a girl?" or "What do you look for in a girlfriend?" See how well you measure up to these qualities. Or, if you're perplexed about whether you look good one day, ask him what he thinks of a particular shirt you're wearing. Don't over-use that, though -- guys sometimes think of the "What do you think about what I'm wearing" question as a trap. It's on the same page as "Do you think I'm fat?" However, if you're good friends, then he'll hopefully give you an honest answer. It also gives him a chance to check you out. ;)

If all else fails, get a friend to ask the guy if he likes you or not -- ie, "What do you think of [insert your name here]?" After all, your friends and his friends are getting closer to him and you, respectively. This is a very middle-school-ish method, but has been known to work wonders for insecure parties in the past. Especially since he's been only really hanging out w/ your friends for a few weeks -- I'm guessing that you intro'd him to the group. Any charitable/nosy friend would take notice of this and question his motives. If you're really close friends w/ the guy, then he might approach you and say, "Hey, your friend asked me what I thought of you..." and then you can laugh and say, "Oh? What did you tell him/her?" And it'll be out in the open. Alternatively, you could drop hints to his friends like "He's so cute!" (This second method is more risky.)

Advice from a successful guy: Figure out what you want, and then go get it. If you want some action, get some action. Nothing wrong with a little hanky panky. Oh, and alcohol helps.

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/IM/post again! :)]


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