Thursday, January 20, 2005

Q5: Pick-Up Lines?

From "the square root of two":

Hey, Beaver --
Every time I go to a bar, one of my friends asks me if I'd go try a line on someone to pick her up. Are there any actual good ones out there?
- Are you the square root of two? ‘cuz I’m irrational when I’m around you…



As long as you keep it fun and amusing (rather than seriously desperate), then you should be fine. Usually, discussions about pick-up lines are more effective in snagging a girl's interest than the belief that a pick-up line will work.

The "best" pick-up line is probably "Hi. What's your name?" (Just make sure you remember the name! Keep a conversation going, and ask things like "Where are you from?" and etc.)

For fun, we'll also post a list of some of the craaaaaazier pick-up lines here:
The Nerdy (yea, MIT!)
The Normal

Nerdy Pick-Up Lines

From miscellaneous friends, emails, etc.
- Hey, baby; wanna test the ‘k’ of my bedsprings?
- Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.
- Much of our shared knowledge was discovered in the East before being brought to the Western world: the number zero, Arabic numerals, the quadratic formula, the Kama Sutra.
- How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the digits of your phone #?
- You are one well-defined function.
- Hey, baby - I wish I was your integral; can I find the area under your curves?
- Hey, baby - I wish I was your derivative, 'cuz then I'd be tangent to all yo' curves.
- Hey, baby – wanna be sinusoidal functions? We could oscillate horizontally…
- Want a hot Euler body massage?
- Could I integrate your natural log?
- Why don't you come over later so you can balance my equation?
- Nice parabolas.
- What's the probability of me+you? (What's the P(Me+You)?)
- What's my z-score of getting laid?
- Your clothes define one tight function. Is it differentiable everywhere?
- If beauty were a vector field, you'd have a positive divergence.
- In the vector field of love, you've got a positive curl everywhere!
- You're the eigenvector in my matrix of love.
- Why don't we measure the coefficient of kinetic friction?
- You look harmonic -- can I be your driving force?
- Hey, baby -- I'm a particle and you're a quantum potential... can I penetrate your classically forbidden region?
- You and me... in parallel or in series?
- Every time I see you, 1000 non-ohmic resistors melt in my heart.
- Hey, baby -- I'm a changing magnetic field. You feel a voltage anywhere?
- Your lips are like two equipotential surfaces...
- Your bell curves are nicely distributed!
- I'd love to instantiate your structure.
- You make me exothermic.
- Let's get in that tub and make an aqueous solution.
- National Geography Bee pick-up line: Oman, I want Djibouti!
- I love the humanities -- I'm very fuzzy, wanna feel?
- Hey, baby -- you're exciting my electrons. Wanna try some chemical bondage?
- Hey baby, how about I tinker with your software
while you turn on my hardware?

Biology-Based
- Hey, you're O positive too? Guess you're my type!
- Remember my species - you'll be classifying it later.
- Hey, my Y is almost as big as my X.
- I lost my genetic code, can I have yours?
- Let's evolve, because there's definitely unity with diversity.
- Nice quadrats - can I study them?
- Hey, I think you need to adjust my diaphragm.
- Can I exchange materials with your surroundings?
- Asexual reproduction is for pansies.
- Let's get together later to converge.
- Hey, I'd like to sample your population.
- I think I need to work on the structural formula of your fatty acid.
- Hey, baby - I'm homozygous recessive. Wanna do a test cross?
- Hey, baby -- you're a substrate and I'm an enzyme. Wanna test the lock and key model?
- In the electrophoresis gel of life, your lane runs all the way to the bottom.
- Some dates have called me a promotor. Others have referred to me as a real operator. Personally, I think I'm just a cute piece of DNA who is still looking for that special transcription factor to help me unwind.


The Normal Pick-Up Lines

Analogies
Remarks
Mean/Nasty
About the Girl: you’re so hot…
About the girl’s clothes
Personalized
Questions
Questions involving “Your Daddy”
Questions that keep going / that you answer
Suggestions
Actions

Analogies
- I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
- All those curves, and me with no brakes.
- I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
- I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.
- Baby, if I was Peter Pan, you'd be my happy thought!
- You must be a parking ticket, because you've got "fine" written all over you.
- You must wash your clothes in Windex because I can definitely see myself in your pants.
- Your first name should be "Atomic", 'cause baby you're the bomb! OR You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
- Girl, if you were ice cream, I'd order two scoops.
- Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
- If it was a crime to be beautiful, I'd have you arrested.
- I have 2 words for you and they are both HUBBA.
- Wow, I wish I had seen you before I made that third wish!
- When I first saw you I almost had to call an ambulance to take me away because the sight of you stopped my heart!
- Baby, you're a sex crime waiting to happen.
- Baby, if you were words on a piece of paper, you'd be what they call fine print.
- If you were a new hamburger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous.
- If good looks were a minute, you would be a very long day.
- That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
- There must be something wrong with my eyes -- I can't take them off of you!
- Wow! I didn't know angels could hide their wings so well.
- If you were planted in the ground, they could harvest 20 acres of "beautiful".
- I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed-Rock.
- Woman, if I had a biscuit I'd sop you up like gravy.
- If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
- I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve
- Hey, let's go play like squirrels, we'll go back to your hole and I'll bust a nut.
- Stop. Drop. and Roll baby, 'cause you're on fire!
- Just because your computers are incompatible doesn't mean we are.
- Let's play a game. I'll be the necrophiliac, and you play dead!
- So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I've got one that I'm just dying to put in your drawers.
- You look a little feverish. Luckily, I always have an oral thermometer on me.
- If looks were against the law you'd be arrested, booked, and jailed for life.
- If you were a pair of pants I'd wear you out!!
- Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
- If I were a carpenter and you were a porch. I'd take out all your nails and screw ya!
- Hi, my name is Snapples, and I’m 100% goodness.
- Hi, my name is Skittles… ya wanna taste the rainbow?
- Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
- Hey, baby -- your daddy must have been a Baker, cos you’ve got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen.
- Hey, baby, you're like a ferris wheel--best ride in da park!
- Hey, baby, let's make like the Flintstones -- you'll make my BedRock!

Remarks
- [Cheese alert!] If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
- You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
- I would bounce a basketball through a minefield blindfolded for just one dance with you.
- I'm really fighting my urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight.
- Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you.
- There must be a beauty contest here. I can see why no other contestants stayed.
- Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
- I used to dream, but what's the use, now that I've met you.
- I couldn't help but recognize you from my dreams.
- Damn, girl! You look good even with the lights on!
- Alright already, I'll go home with you!
- I'm rich!
- That country/western group Little Texas MUST have had you in mind when the recorded the song "God Blessed Texas".
- Your mother must be beautiful to have such a gorgeous daughter like you.
- Baby, every day is Christmas with me.
- So this is why the woman on the psychic hotline charged me $80.
- Age is a matter of mind -- if you don't mind it doesn't matter!
- Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
- I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
- I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
- Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
- I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
- Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
- If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see
12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
- I sent an angel to watch over you last night, but he came back so soon. When I asked why, he replied: "I'm not allowed to watch over other angels."
- MMMMM....You give new meaning to the word "edible"!
- Don't worry, I'll be back in a few six packs
- I've got the F, the C, and the K, no all I need is U!
- Before you run, I am not a freak.
- Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.
- Excuse me, your fly is down. Oops, maybe not now, but definitely later.
- I want to use your thighs as ear muffs.
- Those are the whitest teeth I've ever cum across.
- I could hear your cock talking and it just told me to blow you.... a kiss!
- (after sex) Damn girl, you're like those Indy cars... You can burn 4 rubbers at once!
- Guess what?! I've got an 8" tongue and I can breathe out of my ears!
- That shirt looks weird on you. Maybe you should take it off.
- Crayola should patent the color in your eyes…
- Hey, your hair and my pillow are the same color. We should match them up.
- I know it sounds silly, but I promised myself I’d say hello to you at some point tonite.
- I thought this city was devoid of any natural beauty, and then I saw your face.

Mean/Nasty
- You're ugly but you intrigue me.
- Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you.
- Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
- Alright already, I'll go home with you!
- I'm rich!
- That country/western group Little Texas MUST have had you in mind when the recorded the song "God Blessed Texas".
- Age is a matter of mind -- if you don't mind it doesn't matter!
- Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
- For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
- I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
- I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
- Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
- I was just curious -- are you as good as all the guys say you are?
- Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
- Hi. You'll do.
- I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
- I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
- Would you like to dance? [No] Oh that’s o.k. I've got to take a shit anyway.
- Hey, want to dance? [If no, say:] Did you think I asked you to dance? No! I said, you look fat in those pants.
- I didn't sleep with that girl -- we were UP all night!

About the Girl: you’re so hot…
- You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
- Honey, you're so hot, I'll bet you leave footprints in the pavement!
- You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
- You're hotter than 3-alarm Chili.
- You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

About the Girl’s Clothes
- That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
- Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
- Hey, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
- If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them. OR If you look good in those clothes, you must look even better out of them.
- That dress is beautiful. The only problem is you're still wearing it.
- You must be wearing space pants 'cause your ass looks out of this world.

Personalized
- My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream. OR Hi, my name's [your name]. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!
- My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover boy.”
- Hi, my name is [name], how do you like me so far?

Questions
- Would you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
- Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
- Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
- Can I flirt with you?
- If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
- Shag me/screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
- Is it hot in here or is it just you?
- Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
- I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
- So... How am I doing?
- Hey, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
- I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
- Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
- Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?
- Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
- Would you like to dance or should I go f*ck myself again?
- Your lips look wrinkled, mind if I press them?
- Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
- Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
- Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting the ice!
- Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot?
- Are you from tennessee? ‘cuz you're the only ten I see.
- Hi! Do you want to play pretend? I'll be Bill Clinton and you can be Monica.
- Hi, My name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?
- Well, I'm here. What's your second wish?
- Say, did we go to different schools together?
- Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
- Can I have a picture? I want Santa Claus to know exactly what to get me for Christmas.
- Wanna play war? I'll lay down and you can blow me away!
- Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
- Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
- Aren't you tired? `cause you've been running through my mind all day/night.
- Is that a ladder in your pants or the stairway to heaven?
- Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
- Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell?
- Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
- I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
- I seem to have lost my way -- would you mind taking me with you?
- Hi, I’m a fashion/nudist photographer. How would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
- I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
- If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
- I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
- Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
- Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
- Were you raised on a chicken farm? Because you really know how to raise some cock.
- Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.
- Are you sure that your gynecologist did good job on your last visit? You know, I'd be more than happy to probe around.
- A snake just bit my penis. Could you be so kind as to suck out the venom?
- What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?
- Hey, you wanna play lion? You go kneel over there and I'll give you my meat.
- Do you like blueberries or strawberries? I want to know what kind of pancakes to order in the morning.
- My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
- If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
- Nice peaches -- can I shake your tree?
- I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?
- Coffee? Tea? Me?
- I'm an army recruiter. Why don't you come over to my place and "be all you can be"?
- Are you a chef? ‘cuz you’re certainly mighty spicy.
- Those are a nice set of legs....what time do they open?
- Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
- Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?
- Can we play baseball? You have a nice bat but instead of a ball- lets use my hole!
- Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
- Hey, baby, do you like Lucky Charms? 'cuz you're lookin' Magically Delicious!
- Hey, baby, are you wearing a mirror? 'cuz i can see myself in your pants!
- Hey, baby, can I be your homework? I could sit on your desk and you could do me all night.
-Hey, baby - are you a Pokemon? 'Cuz I'd sure like a Pik-a-chu...

Questions involving “your daddy”
- Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say "yes."]
- Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. OR ’cuz you’ve got the best buns I’ve ever seen.
- Was your daddy an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
- Is your father's name Kodak? Because you're really well developed!
- Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

Questions that keep going / that you answer
- Have you heard the latest health report? You need to up your daily intake of vitamin me.
- Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?
- Are you tired? [“Yes/no – why?”] You’ve been running through my dreams all night.
- Did it hurt? [“Did what hurt?”] Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
- Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
- Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
- What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper
- You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
- Know what's wrong with you? Not a darn thing.
- Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? [Wait for answer.] "Yeah, well, could I show you how to get one more?"
- Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes:] Take me home with you.
- Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [“Why?”] 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
- Do you have any Irish in you? [if no…] Would you like some? [if yes…] Want some more?
- Do you f*ck on first dates? [“No!”] Can I book two?
- Are you lost? Because you're sure a long way from heaven.
- Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
- Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [“No!”] Do you want to do lunch?
- Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? [“No”]) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?
- Do you like music? [“Yes.”] Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!
- Are my undies showing? ["No."] Would you like them to? OR [“Yes.”] See anything you like?
- [As she's leaving...] Hey aren't you forgetting something? [“What?”] Me!
- Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
- Wanna go back to my place for a pizza and some sex? [“No!”] What? You don't like pizza?
- Do you have a boyfriend? [No.] Would you like one? [Yes.] Would you like a better one?
- [She asks: “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer:] Yeah! Do you have the energy?
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [“No.”] Well then, please start.
- How do you like your eggs cooked? [“Why?”] I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
- Do you sleep on your stomach? [Yes/No.] Can I?
- Can you suck a golf ball through 50ft. of garden hose? [“Do you think I can fit that in my mouth?”] Wanna try?
- How are you doing? [“Fine.”] “Yea, you look Fine, too.”

Suggestions
- The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
- Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
- How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
- My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
- I've been here for almost an hour. Are you going to buy me a drink or what?
- Smile! It's the second best thing to do with your lips.
- Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
- Come and sit on my lap and see what pops up.
- Come over to my house and lets do some math, subtract your clothes, add my bed, divide your legs, and multiply.
- F*** playing doctor -- do you want to play gynecologist??

Actions>
- [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.
- [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
- [Lick your finger or rub it around your condensed drink, then place it on her shirt.] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
- [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
- [Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say:] "Wanna screw?"
- [Use index finger to call someone over then say:] "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."
- [Go up to the victim in question, start acting like a penguin having a fit, when she asks "what the hell are you doing?" simply answer] " I am being a penguin." [She will look puzzled, just before she tells you to go away, say:] "I was trying to break the ice!!!!!"
- [As you walk by, turn around and say:’ Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? [“No.”] Damn!
- [Go up to a girl, ask her:] Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [“No.”] [Then wink.]
- [Hold out two fingers and say:] Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers? [“I don't know.”) Cause they're mine sweetheart.
- [Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say:] How about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to spend this money?
- [Go up to someone (in a building or somewhere where there are a lot of people) and say:] There is a phone call for you. [When asked who it is, say:] I don't know, but they asked to speak to the best looking guy/girl in the room.
- [Wipe off your face and say:] Here, I cleaned off this seat for you.
- You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
- [Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say,] Come on, we're leaving. [The key is to act like you know them.]


(Courtesy of: shireenfischer.blogspot, toriafloria,
"The World's Best Pickup Lines", Dating and Chat, SmoothDoom.Com, CarBabe Forum, The Stanford Daily: Get your TA on the floor, along with various friends.)

Enjoy!
[Note: This post will probably undergo several updates as we increase our collection of pick-up lines.]

12 Comments:

At 11:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shy as I am, I'm a big fan of the "Hello! How are you?" line. Works best at places where no one knows anyone.

- shyguy

 
At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?


A+ list, I got a couple laughs :)

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Beavers, Inc. said...

Recently Added:
-I sent an angel to watch over you last night, but he came back so soon. When I asked why, he replied: "I'm not allowed to watch over other angels."
-Are you a pokemon? Cus I'd sure like to Peek-at-chu!
-Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
-If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see
12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

~The Beaverette ;)

 
At 1:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

More lines:
-Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
-hey sexy..is it it just me, or are u like a snake thats just shedding skin -- just getting smoother
-Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
-I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
-Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
-Hey, You were great on Bay Watch last night!
-Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
-Are you a bird collector? 'Cause you've got a nice set of hooters.
-I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don’t need it after all.
-You look so hot that I could cook rice on you!
-Fat Penguin. WHAT? I just thought I'd say something to break the ice.

 
At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope your derivative is decreasing, because I wanna get you concave down.

with the "confirm comment": gehees
:oD

 
At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I were an enzyme, I'd want to be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes. :D

 
At 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Baby -- I don't have a credit card, but mind if I check you out?

 
At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From an OkCupid guy:
*Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
*Might I integrate your curves tonight?
*I should be looking at you through a telescope, Because you have a Heavenly Body.
*My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. Bitch.
*Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
*Hey, Baby -- I don't have a library card, but mind if I check you out?

hahahaha :-D

 
At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

From an OkCupid person:
If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you...

hehehe

 
At 3:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you can get wow gold or wedding dresses and wow gold

 
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At 4:28 PM, Blogger Jay Kay said...

http://www.pickingupwhitegirls.blogspot.ca/

 

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