Friday, January 14, 2005

Q1: I like my friend, but he just broke up w/ his g/f -- how long should I wait?

(Our first posted question!)
At 2:34 PM, "Amanda Hugginkiss" said...

hey! I have a question...I just told my friend that I like him...He then told me that he likes me too but since his girlfriend just broke up with him, he needs some time...How much time should I give him? want him NOW

First off, how much do you like your friend? What type of relationship do you want with him?

If you're just looking for a hook-up or a fling, then "going for it" pretty soon is probably fine. It's tough for anyone to stop herself from jumping right into a relationship with a cool (and now available!) guy. However, the sooner you get together, the more he'll be thinking of his ex, and the more things he'll remember about her when he's taking it to the next level with you. (Especially if he's just had a really long and serious relationship.) You might become a rebound relationship for him. Those types of relationships can last, but can also end up with a lot of insecurity -- the guy might start thinking, "What else is out there? Why wasn't I single for a longer time?"

This also depends on his personality, of course. Let the guy enjoy being single for a while, long enough for him to start wanting to be in a relationship again. Keep interacting with him, and see how flirty he is or how much he wants to get together. If you simply want a hook-up, give him a week or two. If you're looking for something more, we'd recommend giving him at least a month of being single, but with the option to start going out at any time.

Also: be careful. Many guys use the "I like you, but..." as an excuse to say "no" politely. Let him call the shots, but don't get your hopes up. And remember: "absence makes the heart grow fonder, but gone too long and it may wander." Be cool, somewhat sweet, but not desperate or clingy. And if he doesn't start makin' the moves on you, move on. Or make him jealous. ;)

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/post again! :)]


At 11:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once said something along these lines to a girl in order to say no gently, since I thought an outright rejection might have ruined our friendship. Whether that's going on here or whether the guy is really in mourning, just back off. He knows that you're into him, so if he's actually interested, he'll come to you when he's ready. Until then, look around for someone who's not so fragile.

- BMOC '04


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