Friday, January 28, 2005

Q8: Let's talk about sex (online), baby

From "Curious in Schenectady"

Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs. Beaver et. al,
My friends claim that the Internet is an excellent source for any and all things regarding the magical world of sex. All of my searches have indeed been fruitful in that I've come across many different forms of media involving all kinds of intercourse, but nothing seems to suit my delicate sensibilities. Let me be blunt. Where can I find a website that offer intelligent, tasteful pornography and informative articles that lay somewhere between medical journal and raunchy top-of-the-shelf big boy magazine?
- Curious in Schenectady

Whoah C in S. That's quite a mouthful. So let me make sure I gots your super-charged question straight. You want me to direct you to a place that offers pornography... But more importantly, you want me to direct you to a place that won't start attacking your computer with Trojans (the virus, not the rubbers or the ancient society) and pop-ups (well... maybe a few pop-ups of the meaty variety) the second you click on the link. And you want this place to be a fairyland inhabited by sexy, stylish wood nymphettes rather a seedy hole in the virtual wall where beady-eyed men who sweat profusely leer at you over their natty lights.

Seems more impossible than the feats of Hercules, n'est-ce pas? But fret not O Gentle Reader! Such glorious places do exist! Places that are frank and bold about sex, but are not necessarily lewd and degrading.

Consider for instance the latest rage:
This website features articles and yes, punk/goth/indie rock pin up girls who pose nude in artfully executed photos and who also keep uncensored blogs. Have I w(h)et your appetite yet? Well keep your pants on because the only drawback to this website is that you have to be a paying member to get the ah full benefits. But hey you can always visit and admire their clean, professional layout.

Now, many of you reading this might start bristling with rage at the very fact that I'm suggesting pornography is morally AOK. Many people argue that pornography objectifies women and gives an illusory sense of freedom when really it just continues to reinforce male dominance. The whole industry is disgusting, you say. Safe sex is not always practiced and the very existence of the industry causes the overall deterioration of the moral fabric of this decadent modern society. And you know what? I couldn't agree with you more... when it comes to "traditional" porn.

Many of these new classy porn sites ( for the electro music lovers, for your posh mods, and of course have over 30% women subscribers and many were actually founded by women as well.

Not that this justifies anything, but hey. I'm just answering the question here. If you have a serious problem with pornography... well... maybe you and I should have a nice sit-down over some cafe lattes and duke it out there.

So, Curio, I've thrown a couple sites at you, but that's probably not enough to keep you interested, huh. well here's another site that's not exactly pornography, but is definitely a site geared for sex: where hip culture and hip-and-thigh culture collide.

Anyway. That's enough from me. If anyone else has any suggestions for my pal the C, feel free to post. And remember dudes and dudettes, sex is not something to take lightly. It's a great form of recreation, yes, but be smart and practice safe sex. But enough of that public service announcement. I think now is a great time for you to have a romantic dinner for one and treat yourself to a long, luxurious night in front of your computer screen.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Q7: What are some good clubs w/ hip hop?

From "The Perpetual Dance Machine"

Hi, Beaver –
What’s a good club for hip hop on a Friday night?
- The Perpetual Dance Machine

Good question. If you don’t want to limit yourself to hip hop, there’s usually “Avaland” -- $15-$20 for three connected clubs (Avalon, Embassy, Axis) on Landsdowne Street. They usually play house/trance at Avalon, but either hip hop or electronic at the other clubs. When we went, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was displayed while various rap remixes played overhead. Some of the other ones we’ve heard about include Felt, which has DJ Romeo from Kiss 108 playing mixed versions of top pop hits, though Felt’s usually got more of the bar/lounge/billiards setting. The Theatre District also has a ton of swanky clubs: Aria or Pravda (though we think that Pravda plays more EuroPop and caters to gourmet patrons). The Sugar Shack is rumored to be “good for hip hop but can get kind of thuggy.” The Liquor Store (once called “La Boom”) is “a pretty fun and classy place” that serves liquor in brown bags and sports a mechanical bull. Roxy Fridays are pretty crowded, w/ hip hop pumping -- quite the sexpot scene. (Check out the pictures / info on various clubs, or get reduced admission through the guestlist at Other recommended websites are and Also, check out the College Coupon books for free entry passes.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Q6: What should I do if I've ticked off a clique?

From "Ticked at Clique":

so there is this clique at my school, and they're really mean, so my friend and I went on one of theire "members" (they call themselves the pretty committee--ugh) website--some not so nice stuff about how they are mean to people and stuff...well they found out and totally confronted my friend on friday and now I am really scared...I hate being in fights...we probably went too far but something had to be said...I would see the school counselor but I am too nervous...what should I do?
-Ticked at Clique

...Hmm. We must admit, we're a little confused as to what exactly you did. It seems that you went onto the website for one of the Pretty Committee's members and said that they're mean to people.

We totally understand how cliques can be mean. ButButBut: you don't have to sink to that level by writing mean stuff back. It just makes it seem that you're jealous of the Pretty Committee (hitherto called "PC"). What did the Pretty Committee say to your friend, and how did this "confrontation" go? Did anyone get hurt? If physical violence was involved, then you should definitely go to the school counselor. He/she knows the people more than I do.

...The aforementioned scenario might be totally wrong. You might've just gone onto the member's website and looked around. In this case: if the PC didn't want "just anyone" going onto the website, then why is it on the frikkin' Internet? You might advise them politely about password and security issues.

From "WhatIKnew": i dont know if you're serious or what... but we can't really advise you to do anything except talk to an authority figure if you're worried at all.

Btw, if you're the person who IM'd yesterday, sorry for not putting an away message up! Our computer's also been crashing lately, so IM's are a bit sporadic. However, if you IM again, we can chat it through if you need to.
[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/post again! :)]

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Q5: Pick-Up Lines?

From "the square root of two":

Hey, Beaver --
Every time I go to a bar, one of my friends asks me if I'd go try a line on someone to pick her up. Are there any actual good ones out there?
- Are you the square root of two? ‘cuz I’m irrational when I’m around you…

As long as you keep it fun and amusing (rather than seriously desperate), then you should be fine. Usually, discussions about pick-up lines are more effective in snagging a girl's interest than the belief that a pick-up line will work.

The "best" pick-up line is probably "Hi. What's your name?" (Just make sure you remember the name! Keep a conversation going, and ask things like "Where are you from?" and etc.)

For fun, we'll also post a list of some of the craaaaaazier pick-up lines here:
The Nerdy (yea, MIT!)
The Normal

Nerdy Pick-Up Lines

From miscellaneous friends, emails, etc.
- Hey, baby; wanna test the ‘k’ of my bedsprings?
- Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.
- Much of our shared knowledge was discovered in the East before being brought to the Western world: the number zero, Arabic numerals, the quadratic formula, the Kama Sutra.
- How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the digits of your phone #?
- You are one well-defined function.
- Hey, baby - I wish I was your integral; can I find the area under your curves?
- Hey, baby - I wish I was your derivative, 'cuz then I'd be tangent to all yo' curves.
- Hey, baby – wanna be sinusoidal functions? We could oscillate horizontally…
- Want a hot Euler body massage?
- Could I integrate your natural log?
- Why don't you come over later so you can balance my equation?
- Nice parabolas.
- What's the probability of me+you? (What's the P(Me+You)?)
- What's my z-score of getting laid?
- Your clothes define one tight function. Is it differentiable everywhere?
- If beauty were a vector field, you'd have a positive divergence.
- In the vector field of love, you've got a positive curl everywhere!
- You're the eigenvector in my matrix of love.
- Why don't we measure the coefficient of kinetic friction?
- You look harmonic -- can I be your driving force?
- Hey, baby -- I'm a particle and you're a quantum potential... can I penetrate your classically forbidden region?
- You and me... in parallel or in series?
- Every time I see you, 1000 non-ohmic resistors melt in my heart.
- Hey, baby -- I'm a changing magnetic field. You feel a voltage anywhere?
- Your lips are like two equipotential surfaces...
- Your bell curves are nicely distributed!
- I'd love to instantiate your structure.
- You make me exothermic.
- Let's get in that tub and make an aqueous solution.
- National Geography Bee pick-up line: Oman, I want Djibouti!
- I love the humanities -- I'm very fuzzy, wanna feel?
- Hey, baby -- you're exciting my electrons. Wanna try some chemical bondage?
- Hey baby, how about I tinker with your software
while you turn on my hardware?

- Hey, you're O positive too? Guess you're my type!
- Remember my species - you'll be classifying it later.
- Hey, my Y is almost as big as my X.
- I lost my genetic code, can I have yours?
- Let's evolve, because there's definitely unity with diversity.
- Nice quadrats - can I study them?
- Hey, I think you need to adjust my diaphragm.
- Can I exchange materials with your surroundings?
- Asexual reproduction is for pansies.
- Let's get together later to converge.
- Hey, I'd like to sample your population.
- I think I need to work on the structural formula of your fatty acid.
- Hey, baby - I'm homozygous recessive. Wanna do a test cross?
- Hey, baby -- you're a substrate and I'm an enzyme. Wanna test the lock and key model?
- In the electrophoresis gel of life, your lane runs all the way to the bottom.
- Some dates have called me a promotor. Others have referred to me as a real operator. Personally, I think I'm just a cute piece of DNA who is still looking for that special transcription factor to help me unwind.

The Normal Pick-Up Lines

About the Girl: you’re so hot…
About the girl’s clothes
Questions involving “Your Daddy”
Questions that keep going / that you answer

- I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
- All those curves, and me with no brakes.
- I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
- I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.
- Baby, if I was Peter Pan, you'd be my happy thought!
- You must be a parking ticket, because you've got "fine" written all over you.
- You must wash your clothes in Windex because I can definitely see myself in your pants.
- Your first name should be "Atomic", 'cause baby you're the bomb! OR You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
- Girl, if you were ice cream, I'd order two scoops.
- Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
- If it was a crime to be beautiful, I'd have you arrested.
- I have 2 words for you and they are both HUBBA.
- Wow, I wish I had seen you before I made that third wish!
- When I first saw you I almost had to call an ambulance to take me away because the sight of you stopped my heart!
- Baby, you're a sex crime waiting to happen.
- Baby, if you were words on a piece of paper, you'd be what they call fine print.
- If you were a new hamburger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous.
- If good looks were a minute, you would be a very long day.
- That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
- There must be something wrong with my eyes -- I can't take them off of you!
- Wow! I didn't know angels could hide their wings so well.
- If you were planted in the ground, they could harvest 20 acres of "beautiful".
- I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed-Rock.
- Woman, if I had a biscuit I'd sop you up like gravy.
- If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
- I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve
- Hey, let's go play like squirrels, we'll go back to your hole and I'll bust a nut.
- Stop. Drop. and Roll baby, 'cause you're on fire!
- Just because your computers are incompatible doesn't mean we are.
- Let's play a game. I'll be the necrophiliac, and you play dead!
- So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I've got one that I'm just dying to put in your drawers.
- You look a little feverish. Luckily, I always have an oral thermometer on me.
- If looks were against the law you'd be arrested, booked, and jailed for life.
- If you were a pair of pants I'd wear you out!!
- Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
- If I were a carpenter and you were a porch. I'd take out all your nails and screw ya!
- Hi, my name is Snapples, and I’m 100% goodness.
- Hi, my name is Skittles… ya wanna taste the rainbow?
- Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
- Hey, baby -- your daddy must have been a Baker, cos you’ve got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen.
- Hey, baby, you're like a ferris wheel--best ride in da park!
- Hey, baby, let's make like the Flintstones -- you'll make my BedRock!

- [Cheese alert!] If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
- You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
- I would bounce a basketball through a minefield blindfolded for just one dance with you.
- I'm really fighting my urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight.
- Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you.
- There must be a beauty contest here. I can see why no other contestants stayed.
- Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
- I used to dream, but what's the use, now that I've met you.
- I couldn't help but recognize you from my dreams.
- Damn, girl! You look good even with the lights on!
- Alright already, I'll go home with you!
- I'm rich!
- That country/western group Little Texas MUST have had you in mind when the recorded the song "God Blessed Texas".
- Your mother must be beautiful to have such a gorgeous daughter like you.
- Baby, every day is Christmas with me.
- So this is why the woman on the psychic hotline charged me $80.
- Age is a matter of mind -- if you don't mind it doesn't matter!
- Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
- I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
- I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
- Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
- I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
- Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
- If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see
12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
- I sent an angel to watch over you last night, but he came back so soon. When I asked why, he replied: "I'm not allowed to watch over other angels."
- MMMMM....You give new meaning to the word "edible"!
- Don't worry, I'll be back in a few six packs
- I've got the F, the C, and the K, no all I need is U!
- Before you run, I am not a freak.
- Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.
- Excuse me, your fly is down. Oops, maybe not now, but definitely later.
- I want to use your thighs as ear muffs.
- Those are the whitest teeth I've ever cum across.
- I could hear your cock talking and it just told me to blow you.... a kiss!
- (after sex) Damn girl, you're like those Indy cars... You can burn 4 rubbers at once!
- Guess what?! I've got an 8" tongue and I can breathe out of my ears!
- That shirt looks weird on you. Maybe you should take it off.
- Crayola should patent the color in your eyes…
- Hey, your hair and my pillow are the same color. We should match them up.
- I know it sounds silly, but I promised myself I’d say hello to you at some point tonite.
- I thought this city was devoid of any natural beauty, and then I saw your face.

- You're ugly but you intrigue me.
- Hi, the voices in my head told me to come and talk to you.
- Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
- Alright already, I'll go home with you!
- I'm rich!
- That country/western group Little Texas MUST have had you in mind when the recorded the song "God Blessed Texas".
- Age is a matter of mind -- if you don't mind it doesn't matter!
- Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
- For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
- I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
- I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
- Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
- I was just curious -- are you as good as all the guys say you are?
- Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
- Hi. You'll do.
- I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
- I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
- Would you like to dance? [No] Oh that’s o.k. I've got to take a shit anyway.
- Hey, want to dance? [If no, say:] Did you think I asked you to dance? No! I said, you look fat in those pants.
- I didn't sleep with that girl -- we were UP all night!

About the Girl: you’re so hot…
- You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
- Honey, you're so hot, I'll bet you leave footprints in the pavement!
- You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
- You're hotter than 3-alarm Chili.
- You’re so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

About the Girl’s Clothes
- That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
- Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
- Hey, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
- If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them. OR If you look good in those clothes, you must look even better out of them.
- That dress is beautiful. The only problem is you're still wearing it.
- You must be wearing space pants 'cause your ass looks out of this world.

- My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream. OR Hi, my name's [your name]. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!
- My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover boy.”
- Hi, my name is [name], how do you like me so far?

- Would you be my love buffet so I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
- Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
- Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
- Can I flirt with you?
- If I told you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
- Shag me/screw me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
- Is it hot in here or is it just you?
- Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
- I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
- So... How am I doing?
- Hey, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
- I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
- Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
- Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?
- Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
- Would you like to dance or should I go f*ck myself again?
- Your lips look wrinkled, mind if I press them?
- Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
- Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
- Could you please step away from the bar? You're melting the ice!
- Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot?
- Are you from tennessee? ‘cuz you're the only ten I see.
- Hi! Do you want to play pretend? I'll be Bill Clinton and you can be Monica.
- Hi, My name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?
- Well, I'm here. What's your second wish?
- Say, did we go to different schools together?
- Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
- Can I have a picture? I want Santa Claus to know exactly what to get me for Christmas.
- Wanna play war? I'll lay down and you can blow me away!
- Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
- Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
- Aren't you tired? `cause you've been running through my mind all day/night.
- Is that a ladder in your pants or the stairway to heaven?
- Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
- Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell?
- Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
- I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
- I seem to have lost my way -- would you mind taking me with you?
- Hi, I’m a fashion/nudist photographer. How would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
- I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
- If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
- I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
- Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
- Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
- Were you raised on a chicken farm? Because you really know how to raise some cock.
- Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.
- Are you sure that your gynecologist did good job on your last visit? You know, I'd be more than happy to probe around.
- A snake just bit my penis. Could you be so kind as to suck out the venom?
- What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?
- Hey, you wanna play lion? You go kneel over there and I'll give you my meat.
- Do you like blueberries or strawberries? I want to know what kind of pancakes to order in the morning.
- My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
- If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
- Nice peaches -- can I shake your tree?
- I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?
- Coffee? Tea? Me?
- I'm an army recruiter. Why don't you come over to my place and "be all you can be"?
- Are you a chef? ‘cuz you’re certainly mighty spicy.
- Those are a nice set of legs....what time do they open?
- Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
- Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?
- Can we play baseball? You have a nice bat but instead of a ball- lets use my hole!
- Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
- Hey, baby, do you like Lucky Charms? 'cuz you're lookin' Magically Delicious!
- Hey, baby, are you wearing a mirror? 'cuz i can see myself in your pants!
- Hey, baby, can I be your homework? I could sit on your desk and you could do me all night.
-Hey, baby - are you a Pokemon? 'Cuz I'd sure like a Pik-a-chu...

Questions involving “your daddy”
- Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they say "yes."]
- Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. OR ’cuz you’ve got the best buns I’ve ever seen.
- Was your daddy an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
- Is your father's name Kodak? Because you're really well developed!
- Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

Questions that keep going / that you answer
- Have you heard the latest health report? You need to up your daily intake of vitamin me.
- Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?
- Are you tired? [“Yes/no – why?”] You’ve been running through my dreams all night.
- Did it hurt? [“Did what hurt?”] Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
- Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
- Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
- What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper
- You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
- Know what's wrong with you? Not a darn thing.
- Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? [Wait for answer.] "Yeah, well, could I show you how to get one more?"
- Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes:] Take me home with you.
- Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [“Why?”] 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
- Do you have any Irish in you? [if no…] Would you like some? [if yes…] Want some more?
- Do you f*ck on first dates? [“No!”] Can I book two?
- Are you lost? Because you're sure a long way from heaven.
- Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
- Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [“No!”] Do you want to do lunch?
- Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? [“No”]) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?
- Do you like music? [“Yes.”] Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!
- Are my undies showing? ["No."] Would you like them to? OR [“Yes.”] See anything you like?
- [As she's leaving...] Hey aren't you forgetting something? [“What?”] Me!
- Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
- Wanna go back to my place for a pizza and some sex? [“No!”] What? You don't like pizza?
- Do you have a boyfriend? [No.] Would you like one? [Yes.] Would you like a better one?
- [She asks: “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer:] Yeah! Do you have the energy?
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [“No.”] Well then, please start.
- How do you like your eggs cooked? [“Why?”] I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
- Do you sleep on your stomach? [Yes/No.] Can I?
- Can you suck a golf ball through 50ft. of garden hose? [“Do you think I can fit that in my mouth?”] Wanna try?
- How are you doing? [“Fine.”] “Yea, you look Fine, too.”

- The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
- Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
- How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
- My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
- I've been here for almost an hour. Are you going to buy me a drink or what?
- Smile! It's the second best thing to do with your lips.
- Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
- Come and sit on my lap and see what pops up.
- Come over to my house and lets do some math, subtract your clothes, add my bed, divide your legs, and multiply.
- F*** playing doctor -- do you want to play gynecologist??

- [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.
- [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
- [Lick your finger or rub it around your condensed drink, then place it on her shirt.] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
- [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
- [Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say:] "Wanna screw?"
- [Use index finger to call someone over then say:] "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."
- [Go up to the victim in question, start acting like a penguin having a fit, when she asks "what the hell are you doing?" simply answer] " I am being a penguin." [She will look puzzled, just before she tells you to go away, say:] "I was trying to break the ice!!!!!"
- [As you walk by, turn around and say:’ Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? [“No.”] Damn!
- [Go up to a girl, ask her:] Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [“No.”] [Then wink.]
- [Hold out two fingers and say:] Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers? [“I don't know.”) Cause they're mine sweetheart.
- [Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate) dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say:] How about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to spend this money?
- [Go up to someone (in a building or somewhere where there are a lot of people) and say:] There is a phone call for you. [When asked who it is, say:] I don't know, but they asked to speak to the best looking guy/girl in the room.
- [Wipe off your face and say:] Here, I cleaned off this seat for you.
- You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
- [Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say,] Come on, we're leaving. [The key is to act like you know them.]

(Courtesy of: shireenfischer.blogspot, toriafloria,
"The World's Best Pickup Lines", Dating and Chat, SmoothDoom.Com, CarBabe Forum, The Stanford Daily: Get your TA on the floor, along with various friends.)

[Note: This post will probably undergo several updates as we increase our collection of pick-up lines.]

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Q4: How can a busy student get a girlfriend?

From "M.T. Bed":

Dear Beaver,
I’m a busy student at MIT. I’d really like to get a girlfriend, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Any suggestions?
-M.T. Bed

Heiya, MT –
Ah, the plight of the busy and the stressed. Believe it or not, a lot of students are experiencing the same problem. It’s the number one complaint we hear from our “busy” guy friends who really want to get some action but are too lazy (or scared?) to go find it.

  • First off, you’ve got to make sure you’re confident in yourself. Girls don’t like desperate guys. You got into MIT, so you’re pretty smart. Prove it, and don’t act like a dumb loser around hot girls. Also, gals love a sense of humor. This “sense of humor” is usually not of the farts-dirt-poop variety -- think “Intolerable Cruelty” as opposed to “Anchorman.” Of course, this depends on the girl you’re trying to snag or shag.

  • Work out. Gals love guys with toned bods. Sure, personality ranks pretty high up there. But a guy with just a good personality and not a good physique will probably stay stuck in the “friends” category. You don't necessarily have to visit the gym five times a week -- just get rid of that beer-gut or the extra flab here and there.

  • Make sure you’ve got good hygiene. None of this “I stayed up all night for the past three days doing 6.170 and haven’t showered in 72 hours” crap. Girls also don’t like big stinkers. Ask a good friend about your haircut or your personal style. Sometimes, longer or shorter hair makes a guy look infinitely hotter. For an example, refer to the accompanying pictures in the upcoming issue of Counterpoint.

  • Show a gal that you already know that you like her. Little bits of affection could include: poetry, little email notes, calling her just to find out how her day went, messages on IM, meeting to do homework, buying her dinner, etc. Don't come on too strong too fast; ease into the "I have a crush on you" mentality, gauge her responses, and act accordingly.

  • Alcohol. These little OH-grouped-beverages can loosen you up and help you find that confidence. Of course, you can only drink legally if you’re over 21. And you shouldn’t depend on only alcohol to gain confidence in an intimidating social scene. However, it Can help you overcome some of your inhibitions in the beginning stages. Do NOT get so drunk that you lose all coordination. Do NOT get so drunk that you aren't able to feel your teeth or touch your index finger to your nose. Do NOT get so drunk that you start reeking of alcohol and sweat. Above all, do NOT get so drunk that you puke all over the girl.

  • Learn how to dance. Girls love it when guys can dance well. Breakdancing, raving, swing dancing… sweep a girl off her feet with your fancy moves. White boys often need a little bit of alcohol before they can dance. Don't totally spazz or jerk around. Worse comes to worse, try the head-bobbing and find a rhythm. You can also always ask a girl to show you how to dance. Or you can be a wallflower and hope that a kind gal (and not an ugly or overly-flirty one) tries to get you to dance. Singing or playing a musical instrument is also usually a plus (esp voice/guitar/violin/piano)

  • Relationships do take up a lot of time. You’re going to have to stave off some of that busy-ness in order to either find or maintain significant-other-ness. But you can also search through your extracurrics and hobbies to find someone who likes the same things you do. If she’s hot, that’s an added bonus.

  • If you can't find anyone in real life, try out the online dating sites. We recommend the free ones: MIT Matchup is pretty good at bringing random profiles together with customary searches, and OkCupid is a free service that includes quizzes, “compare compatibility” options, and geographical diversity. Or you can sift through your friends’ friends on The Facebook – the college stalker’s dream tool. Don’t be too creepy – introduce yourself with “Hey, I found you on so-and-so’s profile, and I’m also interested in that-thing-in-your-profile…” Start out a normal conversation, and perhaps you’ll get an AIM invite. You’ll probably be surfing the Internet anyway, right? For the lazy bum, these sites almost effortlessly bring pretty pictures and people your way. Be careful, though – don’t give out too much personal information too quickly. Rather than the picture-perfect-pal, you could end up with photos of girls running around in boxes. Idealistically, personality will shine through, and you’ll find at least some people that interest you. At least one of the Beavers, Inc. has found dates from online sites, and the relationships have been pretty good so far.

  • Join Counterpoint. It doesn't take too much effort, and you get to meet people from a different school. I personally like MIT girls better, but the Wellesley ones I’ve met so far are pretty cool. You can meet both types if you join Counterpoint – and you don’t even have to be a good writer! You can do graphics, publicizing, editing, advertising… And you get 35% of the revenue from each ad you snag! Meet new people, get free food, and make money… not a bad idea, eh?

[Disclaimer: We haven’t covered every single thing that you can do to get a girl – in fact, the tips mentioned here are just a few salient and mandatory points. For more info, keep referring to our feature.]

Friday, January 14, 2005

Q3: Is it evil to advise a guy friend not to go out with a girl that I can't stand, even if she likes him?

At 5:06 PM, "The Semi-Evil Advisor" said...

...oh yea...and is it evil to advise a guy friend (best friend...snogged him before...yaddah, yaddah...) not to go out with a girl he likes EVEN IF I KNOW SHE THINKS SHE LIKES HIM if I can't stand the girl in question?

Why don't you like the girl? If you think that they'd ultimately be unhappy together, then it might seem like a friend-focused act to not tell him. The more constructive thing to do in the long run, however, would probably be to tell him what you don't like about the girl -- but be tactful about it, too. If he really really likes her and ends up going for her any way, then he might be offended and start liking you less as a friend.

Although... if she's a real biznatch, then no, it's not evil to "forget" to tell him that she likes him. But the "good" and objective thing to do would be to tell him the pros and cons of going out with aforementioned girl. The same qualities you can't stand in her are probably the same qualities that he won't like in the long run.

Another alternative: you're just jealous. Chill. Why interfere? Let them get to know each other better, and things will work themselves out.

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/post again! :)]

Q2: Is it bad for a girl to be "stringing up" other guys when she's in a relationship?

At 5:06 PM, "String Cheese Tease" said... a girl stringing up about...uhm....four guys, not counting her 7-and a half-month boyfriend bad, slutty, good, awesome...or just plain shut the hell up and you're making a big deal out of nothing?

Hmm... It really depends on what you mean by "stringing up." If you're not actually doing anything physical with them, and you're just flirting... well... there's nothing strictly wrong with that. Gals tend to be more confident when they're in a relationship, and guys tend to like that confidence. There's also less pressure or tension when flirting b/c an attached girl isn't really available anyway. However, if you're knowingly/purposefully encouraging these guys to like you when you're really committed to your boyfriend, you're being a bit of a tease.

If you're actually "doing stuff" with them, it's cheating on your boyfriend. This is not a healthy thing in a committed relationship. That is, "bad" and definitely not "awesome." If it's happened four times, then why are you still together? Perhaps you should try being single for a bit, and decide what you want from a relationship before committing to one.

In any case, sit back and sort out what you want, what you're doing, why you're doing it, and whom you like the best. The "whom" you choose could also be you, as in the "single, sexy, and free" version. Don't tug too hard on too many boys' hearts -- you might end up with broken pieces. Oh, and call the police if any of them start stalking you; it tends to be a usually unforeseen consequence of stringing guys along.

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/post again! :)]

Q1: I like my friend, but he just broke up w/ his g/f -- how long should I wait?

(Our first posted question!)
At 2:34 PM, "Amanda Hugginkiss" said...

hey! I have a question...I just told my friend that I like him...He then told me that he likes me too but since his girlfriend just broke up with him, he needs some time...How much time should I give him? want him NOW

First off, how much do you like your friend? What type of relationship do you want with him?

If you're just looking for a hook-up or a fling, then "going for it" pretty soon is probably fine. It's tough for anyone to stop herself from jumping right into a relationship with a cool (and now available!) guy. However, the sooner you get together, the more he'll be thinking of his ex, and the more things he'll remember about her when he's taking it to the next level with you. (Especially if he's just had a really long and serious relationship.) You might become a rebound relationship for him. Those types of relationships can last, but can also end up with a lot of insecurity -- the guy might start thinking, "What else is out there? Why wasn't I single for a longer time?"

This also depends on his personality, of course. Let the guy enjoy being single for a while, long enough for him to start wanting to be in a relationship again. Keep interacting with him, and see how flirty he is or how much he wants to get together. If you simply want a hook-up, give him a week or two. If you're looking for something more, we'd recommend giving him at least a month of being single, but with the option to start going out at any time.

Also: be careful. Many guys use the "I like you, but..." as an excuse to say "no" politely. Let him call the shots, but don't get your hopes up. And remember: "absence makes the heart grow fonder, but gone too long and it may wander." Be cool, somewhat sweet, but not desperate or clingy. And if he doesn't start makin' the moves on you, move on. Or make him jealous. ;)

[Note: If this didn't answer your question, or if there are more details you'd like advice on, feel free to email/post again! :)]

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Ask the Beaver: Our Icon

(For the Blogger Profile.)

Links to Questions and Answers

Here's a list of the [archived] Questions and their corresponding Answers. Enjoy!

Q1: I like my friend, but he just broke up w/ his g/f -- how long should I wait?

Q2: Is it bad for a girl to be "stringing up" other guys when she's in a relationship?

Q3: Is it evil to advise a guy friend not to go out with a girl that I can't stand, even if she likes him?

Q4: How can a busy student get a girlfriend?

Q5: Pick-Up Lines?

Q6: What should I do if I've ticked off a clique?

Q7: What are some good clubs w/ hip hop?

Q8: Let's talk about sex (online), baby

Q9: Online dating -- still a guessing game?

Q10: We're friends... but I think I want more. What should I do?

Q11: I like this guy... what do I do next?

Q12: I've got a boyfriend, and a crush on another guy...

Q13: Sister or Mister? My friend likes the same guy I do -- help!

Q14: Blue balls -- a problem or a ploy?

Q15: How do I know if he loves me?

Q16: I'm a lesbian with a crush on my best friend...

Q17: Good relationship advice sites?

Q18: What should I know about sex? (Especially for my first time...)
(Updated 6/1/06: Formerly, this was entitled "Q18: We just said 'I love you' -- what about sex?" and "Having sex for the first time -- should I lose my virginity?")

Q19: Drunk & Fun to Sober & Awkward; what now?

Q20: What if I'm attracted to my Prof?

Q21: What if I never see him again?

Q22: Does my co-worker like me?

Q23: I took advantage of him, but I don't want to lose him...

Q24: There's this guy in my French class...

Q25: STDs

Q26: Under pressure to find a boyfriend -- should I?

Q27: He flirted with her to make me jealous -- should I trust him?

Q28: Older woman w/ coworker -- what to do?

Q29: Noncommital boyfriend chooses friends over me

Q30: Is it a UTI or something else?

Q31: Dating tips? Looking for sucess...

Q32: Is it toxic to have a threesome in a committed relationship?

Q33: Where Are The Boys?

Q34: Should I wait for a long-distance relationship with a friend?

Q35: What to do if my girlfriend is infatuated with another guy?

Q36: How do I snag a smart guy?

Q37: How can I help a friend who might be in a too-intense relationship?

Q38: Which is better for a resume -- one page or two pages?

Q39: We had a fight -- how do I know if he still likes me?


If you comment on this post w/ a question, we'll create a new post that links to our answers. You can either comment on the post that answers your question, email us, or chat on AIM. We usually answer emails/posts within a week after receiving them.

To spice things up a bit, feel free to give yourself a funky/descriptive/unique/anonymous name. If you don't, we'll make up silly ones ourselves. If you really don't like the name that you were given, just pop us an email. Feel free to add comments to other people's questions, with advice/tips/follow-up stories.

Ask anything you'd like! :)

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Hello :)

Introducing “Ask the Beaver” – a recurring feature for MIT's Counterpoint that operates in a “Dear Abby” style to answer readers’ questions about dating, relationships, sex, general health, and anything else you’d like to throw at us.

Email questions to or send us an instant message on AIM (askthebeaver1). All correspondence shall remain anonymous, and no contact information will be available for public viewing.